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Is emotional intelligence in negotiations important? What it is, why it matters and 5 ways to use it

By January 17, 2025January 20th, 2025All Stories
Two MSF staff are standing speaking to a group of children.

We all have a colleague or a friend who seems to reach their negotiation objectives easily. They get what they want, and their counterpart leaves the negotiation table satisfied as well.

How do they do it? Do they have any secret negotiation skills that others don’t?

Some might say good negotiators are analytical, creative or confident. But in the emerging body of humanitarian negotiation research, one factor stands out: high emotional intelligence.

What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is the ability to recognise and manage your own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.

Research shows that emotional intelligence has four components:

  1. Perceiving emotion or being able to recognise emotions in yourself and others. For instance, noticing when you feel irritated or your counterpart is upset.
  2. Facilitating emotion or using your emotions to improve your negotiation outcomes. For example, you might take more time to prepare if you feel anxious about a negotiation.
  3. Understanding emotion or understanding the relationship between emotions and behaviour. This might mean connecting your annoyance with your counterpart when they delay your meeting for the third time.
  4. Managing emotion or being able to regulate your emotions and those of others. This means taking a break to cool down if the conversation gets too heated.

Why emotional intelligence in negotiations is important

Honing your emotional intelligence can make negotiations smoother, more productive, and less draining.

This is especially true in the emotionally charged environments of humanitarian work, where stakes are high, deadlines tight and tensions can run deep.

Emotional intelligence in negotiations helps you understand it’s not about what you say – it’s how you say it.

And the way you present your negotiation argument will depend on how you feel. On the other hand, the way your counterpart reacts to your argument will depend on how they feel.

This is where grasping the impact of emotions can help you improve your negotiation process.

The role of emotions in negotiation

Emotions convey information. Being a good negotiator means accurately reading and deciphering your own emotions and those of others.

Feelings are emotional responses to situations that you or your negotiation counterpart believe are challenging or, on the contrary, offer opportunities. In this sense, positive emotions make us feel good and do good, while negative emotions make us feel bad and do bad.

A horizontal axis labeled 'feel' and a vertical axis named 'do' to show how positive emotions make us feel good and do good, while negative emotions make us feel bad and act bad. This is why understanding the role of emotions in negotiations and emotional intelligence is so important. Source: Dr Smadar Cohen-Chen

Emotions lead to certain attitudes and behaviours, depending on personal experiences, personality traits, and the context. In other words, emotions depend on who we are.

For instance, if someone gets angry, they might become aggressive, while others may have a more restrained reaction.

When someone expresses an emotion, it can give you clues about their intentions and what is important to them.

This is the key: If you can make your counterpart feel that their concerns are valid, you will have unlocked the secret to building relationships of trust.

This is why emotions play such an important role in the success of a negotiation.

Now, let’s explore how you can use emotional intelligence to navigate these challenging conversations and use it as part of your negotiation strategies.

1. Be self-aware

The first step in developing emotional intelligence is understanding your own emotions. Before stepping into any negotiation, take a moment to check in with yourself.

How are you feeling? Are you anxious, frustrated, or hopeful?

Understanding these feelings can help you regulate your responses and stay composed when things get heated.

Emotional awareness allows you to avoid reacting impulsively and instead act thoughtfully and with purpose.

Francesca Giulia Mereu, Executive coach

“Being self-aware is the first step because your ability to notice what is happening inside you allows you to manage your emotions, understand others, and reach better outcomes.

Observing yourself is an everyday learning process, and it is very down-to-earth: What is the quality of your sleep? What happens if you skip a meal? How long can you focus on a task in a noisy place? How appreciated do you feel by your colleagues?

Your emotions do not happen from ‘nothing’; they are triggered by a variety of internal and external events.

The questions above are universal, but your answers are unique. What matters is knowing your current needs and recognizing—as soon as possible—what, when, and who is more likely to impact your emotions.

One way to assess them is by doing your Energy Check. It is an anonymous—no email required—questionnaire about how you care for your physical, mental, and emotional energy.”

2. Practice active listening

In negotiations, it’s easy to focus on getting your point across.

However, truly listening to the other party – beyond just hearing their words – will help you understand their underlying emotions and concerns.

Active listening shows empathy, builds trust, and can lead to better cooperation in the long term.

Ask clarifying questions and summarise what they’ve said to demonstrate that you genuinely understand their position.

You can do this by asking a series of closed and open-ended questions.

A table with two columns explaining the difference between closed and open-ended questions with examples.

3. Stay calm under pressure

In humanitarian settings, negotiations can be emotionally charged, especially when lives or critical resources are at stake.

It’s natural to feel overwhelmed, but staying calm is key to making rational decisions.

Maintaining your calm can set the tone for the entire conversation, helping de-escalate tension and keeping discussions focused on solutions.

Practice breathing techniques, like the box breath, or short mindfulness exercises to centre yourself during difficult moments.

An illustration of the box breathing technique to stay calm during heated negotiations.

4. Manage your emotions effectively

Emotional intelligence isn’t about suppressing your feelings; it’s about expressing them appropriately.

If you’re frustrated or disappointed, find a way to communicate this without becoming aggressive.

For instance, instead of saying, “You’re making this impossible,” you might say, “I’m finding this situation challenging, and I’d appreciate it if we could take a step back to reassess.”

This approach acknowledges your emotions without escalating the conflict.

5. Recognise and respond to the emotions of others

In negotiations, it’s not only your own emotions that matter – how you respond to the emotions of others can determine the outcome. Be mindful of verbal cues, body language, and tone of voice.

If the other party seems frustrated or anxious, acknowledge it with empathy. You might say something like, “I can see this is a difficult topic for you. Let’s take a moment to regroup.”

Showing that you care about their emotional state can help build rapport and make them more open to finding common ground.

Dr Smadar Cohen-Chen, Associate Professor, Social and Organizational Psychology at the University of Sussex Business School

“Emotions are critical in negotiations because they guide attitudes and behaviour. If something feels threatening, people experience fear, and fear engenders avoidance. If someone treats us unjustly, we feel anger, inducing aggression and retaliation. And if we think that something good is possible, we experience hope, which increases concession-making. 

We can use this information by consciously regulating emotions that are functional in the negotiation context. Applying this logic to counterparts is highly beneficial too. Do we want an angry counterpart? Or a hopeful counterpart? Can we act in ways conducive to integrative and productive negotiations?

These are things that emotionally intelligent people utilize and develop over time. 

Moreover, emotional expressions are used to convey important information to others. If we understand what emotions derive from and what actions they precede, we gain a window into our counterpart’s mind, an additional method for effective communication.  

Like so many other things, underestimating the power of emotions often leads people to ignore or disregard them, and this ignorance can lead to problematic outcomes driven precisely by unfettered and dysregulated emotions.”

6. Focus on collaboration, not winning

Humanitarian work is all about collaboration, and negotiation should reflect that.

Instead of approaching negotiations with a win-lose mindset, try to cultivate a sense of partnership.

Emotional intelligence helps you frame discussions around shared goals and mutual benefits.

When both sides feel heard and valued, you’re more likely to achieve outcomes that work for everyone involved.

7. Create a moment to wind down

Negotiations can flare up emotions.

It’s important to create a moment to process your emotions after any heated conversation.

Make sure you have released any past emotions by:

  1. Analysing what made you emotional.
  2. Recognising your personal triggers and working on them.
  3. Letting the emotion go. Breathing techniques, working out, talking with someone, or journaling can all help with this.

Letting go of your emotions allows you to start your next negotiation without baggage, biases or a reactive stance.

Remember…

In high-stakes negotiations, tapping into emotional intelligence can help you navigate conversations with empathy, calm, and focus.

Self-awareness helps you regulate your own emotions, while active listening and empathy allow you to connect with the emotions of others.

Staying calm under pressure and managing your feelings effectively sets a positive tone, leading to smoother and more productive discussions.

When you focus on collaboration rather than competition, you’re more likely to achieve lasting and meaningful outcomes.

Emotional intelligence isn’t just a nice-to-have in humanitarian negotiations – it’s a vital skill that can turn a challenging negotiation into a mutually-beneficial, solution-driven experience.

So, the next time you’re stepping into a negotiation, remember it’s not just about what you say – it’s about how you feel and how you make others feel, too.

Good luck!

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